Living for Twenty Five Years
I turned 25 today. I don't feel younger or older than 25; I feel exactly 25, whatever that means. Too young to have it all figured out, too old to not have problems to fix. I've been spending the day doing a lot of thinking - there's no sudden epiphany or clarity is what I'm realizing. I'm sitting on table with gratitude, uncertainty, and a quiet kind of hope.
Yesterday, I had a small cozy little dinner with a set of people I've felt closest to over the past year - good food, good chat and a weird mix of people from different parts of my life.
The funny little thing I realized was when I was looking back at last year's list of people I wanted to call for dinner, most of those faces aren't in my life anymore - it's quite insane how much can change in a year.
This birthday didn’t drown me in the same melancholy as 24 did - no birthday blues this time. I feel steadier - not because everything’s perfect. I think the string of fleeting phases in my life is just long enough now that I'm starting to see that everything eventually makes sense, I have an ok number of data points. I think I've also stopped running as hard as I used to. Instead of trying to force every moment to be as productive and useful as possible, I think I'm walking now. Generally, I can see where I'm headed, mostly.
Some thoughts & lessons I've learnt (adding to last year's list):
Health hits hard. I had a bit of a scare earlier this year and I think I've made some progress especially mentally.
Protect your peace. There are very few things in life that are worth losing your peace over.
Loss is built-in. The most permanent thing in your life right now will be taken away at some point.
Don't postpone problems for your future self to deal with - fix them now.
I don’t have a grand plan for the next decade — no five-year blueprint or vision board - I had always wanted to stop working at 35, I don't think that's happening.
What I do know is that I want to build something bigger than me. I want the freedom to help people, power to make a dent, growth that stacks up over time - that’s the vague shape of it.
I’m putting some thought into side missions now. I want to do more things, chase sparks, then compress them into fewer moves that make sense as a whole.
I also see myself spending time with fewer people this year. Not chasing a bigger circle, instead just deeper, richer hours with the ones I’ve got.
I don’t need more friends; I need the right ones, closer.
Money’s messy. I overspend when I’m feeling down. I’ve got an Excel sheet now to track overspending, it's a good reality check.
At 25, I’m still a work in progress. I don’t have it all together, and I’m not pretending to, I'm do feel like a bit of a pretend-adult sometimes, and I think that's okay. I'm notorious for being kind to people, I will consciously extend that privilege to myself this year.
Happy birthday to me. :D
P.S. If turning 25 (or any age) has you reflecting too, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Drop me a line at hi@onlysif.com or reply to this email. <3
